Pussy Control

Why I love Chris Connallon, by Amit Sharma, Age 22

Fri, 23 Jan 2004 04:38:43 GMT

XBongBlastX: we should make mother night beanies
xpunchinthefacex: NO!
xpunchinthefacex: we should make mother night comerbunds (sp?)
XBongBlastX: YES!
XBongBlastX: MOTHER NIGHT MERKINS!
xpunchinthefacex: mother night yamikahs
XBongBlastX: mother night bop-em inflatable dolls that pop back up when you hit 'em
xpunchinthefacex: mother night trading cards
XBongBlastX: mother night mini-series on valiant comics w/chromium cover and "#0" origin "ashcan" comic in Wizard Magazine
xpunchinthefacex: OH MY GOD
xpunchinthefacex: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
xpunchinthefacex: mother night animation cell
xpunchinthefacex: suitable for fraiming
XBongBlastX: mother night action figures by todd mc farlane w/rocket machine gun instruments
XBongBlastX: (mic stand for me)
xpunchinthefacex: haha
xpunchinthefacex: mother night appearance in next kevin smith movie
XBongBlastX: mother night as Sith lords in the next piece of the star-wars trilogy
xpunchinthefacex: GOD NO
xpunchinthefacex: i would boycott that shit
XBongBlastX: haha
XBongBlastX: dude i'd love to be a chromium cover for valiant though
xpunchinthefacex: mother night picture on the orange julius cup
XBongBlastX: get Solar the man of the atom up on that
XBongBlastX: fuck that dude, we're going for Wheaties
xpunchinthefacex: haha
xpunchinthefacex: what about a crossover
xpunchinthefacex: liek a mother night/outsmarting simon crossover
xpunchinthefacex: poly bagged
xpunchinthefacex: with trading card
XBongBlastX: hmm.
XBongBlastX: how about a split 7" w/trading card /poly bag?
xpunchinthefacex: if we did a split 7", i'd want to package it like a crossover comic book
xpunchinthefacex: hahahaha
XBongBlastX: peet could draw it
XBongBlastX: we'd be fighting over maguire
XBongBlastX: and the half that we sell, Mo'Nig would win
XBongBlastX: and the half that they sell, OS would win
xpunchinthefacex: or it would be like a mother night comic on one side, and an OS comic on the other side
xpunchinthefacex: and we'd be fighting or doing other various stuff on each cover
xpunchinthefacex: haha
xpunchinthefacex: it woudl rule
xpunchinthefacex: we have to do a split 7" w/ a band at some point so this dream can become reality for me
XBongBlastX: or
XBongBlastX: we can just beat them up and shoot lasers out of our dongs until their van burns up.
xpunchinthefacex: good plan
XBongBlastX: that'd be my superpower
XBongBlastX: laser-dong
xpunchinthefacex: haha
xpunchinthefacex: i'll be medusa beard
XBongBlastX: i'd have to wear a ruby rubber at all times to keep it from getting out of control, cyclops style
xpunchinthefacex: hahahaha

Fri, 16 Jan 2004 21:18:56 GMT

How to Deal with Women, by my friend Jeff, age 16.

ATLF27: i was rocking a white shirt yesterday....a 6x white shirt
XBongBlastX: that rules. kinda like the thugz on mtv, eh?
ATLF27: haha yea
ATLF27: i have a wigger friend who rocks those and theyre $5 so i made him buy me one
ATLF27: i wear it like once every 5 months as a joke
ATLF27: and yesterday we had no school so i just hung out around the house in it...then my girlfriend came over and she hates it and made me change
ATLF27: so i changed into an ecko shirt! TAKE THAT BITCH!

...it's the Niggatron!

Tue, 13 Jan 2004 10:00:02 GMT

Mother Night aka Mo'Nig aka Tha Niggatron had it's first practice with Mr. Magoo on the drum kit in almost two months. We missed him. We will finish recording the 7" within a week or two, and unless one of my lurking public would like to put the record out, it will be released as Meg Ryan Gangbang Records #1.

We have shows coming up...
January 16th - @ the St. Thomas Church in Rahway, NJ
w/Cast Aside, Worn Thin, Blacklisted, Is this Real, the Breakout. $8 bucks, 5:30pm

for directions peep...
http://saintthomastheapostle.org/directions.html

January 17th - @ Kathryn's House in Chatham, NJ
w/Kill.Crush.Destroy, Is this Real, + Scared 2 Death. (No Sweat/Bad Business cancelled)
jaredjjones@yahoo.com for directions/info

January 24th - @ ABC NO RIO in New York City
w/For What It's Worth, Howard Finster, +1 TBA.

You all should go to these shows, because we can use your money. xxx Bling $$$ Bling $$$ xxx

-amit

Mommy, i want to be a chain letter when I grow up.

Sat, 10 Jan 2004 23:15:06 GMT

I got a chain e-mail from my dear old married couple friends zack and catie in connecticut today, and for once I actually read it instead of reflexively hitting delete. It strikes me as sort of depressing how most chain e-mails are inane sappy blather. First it made me sad, and then it made me mad! In response I have created a newer, better breed of chain mail. Please forward the following to everyone you know.
--------------------------------------------------------

Amit has a cold. he is sniffling and snuffling. he will be better soon. he wants to visit zack and catie around then. he is going to call YOU! possibly TONIGHT! (1/10/04)

PLEASE FORWARD THIS TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW, AND I 100 PERCENT GUARANTEE THAT AMIT WILL PERSONALLY CALL THE RECIEPIENT OF THIS EMAIL. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS CC THE EMAIL TO arsharma@eden.rutgers.edu AND MAKE SURE YOU PUT YOUR PHONE NUMBER AREA CODE AND ALL IN THE BODY OF THE MESSAGE IF YOU WANT AMIT TO CALL YOU.

ONE DUDE FROM KENTUCKY DID NOT FORWARD THIS E-MAIL TO EVERYONE HE KNOWS. HIS HAIR FELL OUT, AND HIS PEANUT BUTTER WENT STALE. DON'T BE THAT GUY!@@@!!!!!

THIS IS NOT A PYRAMID SCHEME, AMIT WILL NOT CHARGE PIZZERIA UNO DINNERS TO YOUR MASTER CARD ACCOUNT. HOWEBER, AMIT MUBT WARB YOU THAD IB HE STILL HAB A COAD HE MAY BE TALKIG TO YOU SOUNDIG LIGE THIG.

SINCERELY IN THE 3RD PERSON,
AMIT
(OOPS. THERE WENT THE GIMMICK)

That darn cat...

Wed, 24 Dec 2003 19:10:21 GMT

I can't be sure, but I think the cat ate my contact lenses while I was sleeping.

This would be the second time this has happened. Thank jebus for disposable lenses.

-amit

Watch out for flying bloomers...

Sat, 13 Dec 2003 23:56:02 GMT

A woman came into K-mart today and tried to trick me into letting her return underwear that she purchased in 1982. Fortunately, I'm wily enough that I caught onto her wicked lies and pointed out that the numbers on the receipt (which listed underwear purchased in October) didn't match. Ha! Take that,infidel!

The customer proceeded to hurl her 20 year old panties, still in the shrinkwrap, at my head.

Anyone hiring?

-amit

Out with the old, in with the new?

Thu, 11 Dec 2003 22:26:42 GMT

Should I trade in the amazing Super Mario Bros. 2 wallet (pictured on left) for a completely boring adult leather one like my father's (pictured on right)?

You be the judge.

THE ruler IS baaaaaack!!!
-amit

I am doing a show, Pleaase come....

Wed, 10 Dec 2003 05:44:16 GMT

Yeah, so I'm doing a show. Threatener are coming to town, they're rad, their bassist mike is one of my friends via nerd for quite a while now, and I ate his samosas on the way to the show in brick that fateful day many moons ago. Anyhow, come check out threatener, come help me from losing too much money, and also...

xxx KILL THE WEAK xxx

[img][/img]

The RULER is BACK!
-amit

To Dream The Impossible Dream...

Wed, 10 Dec 2003 05:21:06 GMT

Night of Bizarre Dreams, Part 1.

So I fall asleep, and all of a sudden I find myself walking down the Garden State Parkway going down an offramp leading me to an field in the general vicinity of Red Bank, and Lisa and Alicia are both lurking around being sketchy, with Alicia riding round on Lisa's back. I said, "Hi." and they were like, "What's up amit?" and i was like, "oh not much, just going to the career fair." so i keep walking and they're kinda hobbling around behind me, not making as good time on the way to the house where the career fair was, on account of Lisa being sort of short and Alicia riding on her back.

I walk up to the house, it's an old white one, and there's a porch that's screened of a bit on the side. So i climb up the steps, open the screen door and I go on, and this slightly crazed dude tries to convince me that he's engineered some sort of gadget that he can put into things to ensure that engineers always have jobs. And i'm like, "man, that microchip isn't going to do much for me, i'm a psych major." and he was like, "uh... yeah. well, write your name and address on this piece of paper and i'll try and get you something." so i sign up and i walk out of the house and I get some cheese and crackers from the refreshment table, and I notice that amongst all the college kids chillin' with their families and parents and stuff, there's an awful lot of dead bodies hanging out in the background, and all of a sudden I realize that Lisa and Alicia are nowhere to be found. and i'm like, "shit... it was them."

Right around then i bug out and the dream fades away.

:: Wub wub wub ::

NIGHT OF BIZARRE DREAMS, PART 2.

I'm walking around at Rutgers campus on college ave, in the grassy area behind Scott Hall when it becomes apparent to me that walking is an awfully shitty mode of transportation. I start flapping my arms, at first slowly and then progressively more vigorously and I slowly start rising into the air. I proceed from a hover to a slow aerial trot, and then into full fledged flying. Loops, spirals, the whole 9 yards.

I zoom off into the distance, and keep going for a while until i find myself over a large empty grassy field, where they seem to be filming an episode of Smallville. Superboy dude is being held in the air by an array of ropes and whatnot doing his fake flying and i'm like, "Ha ha! No strings, motherfucker!" He gets pissed off and tries to go after me, but is held in place by the complex array of robes and cables, and I zoom back off to Rutgers.

At this point, i'm making a landing on busch campus by the ARC and some cute blonde girl makes my aquaintance. She starts talking to me, because being able to fly is what the honeys look for in a man, and after she introduces herself to me I do a doubletake and i say, "what kind of a name is Steadmond???" and she goes, "my name's stella!" and she didnt really want to talk to me anymore but i was like, what-ever man, and just flew the fuck away.

The Ruler is BACK!
-amit

The benefits of Thermal Underwear...

Sun, 07 Dec 2003 15:22:31 GMT

I've become convinced that over the course of this weekend, wearing thermal underwear, also known as long johns, have compacted the chub on my thighs to make me sleek and sultry. I think I'll continue wearing these through the summer months.

Coming Soon: The Night of Bizarre Dreams, recapped!

The Ruler is back!
-amit

Yo yo yo yo yo

Tue, 25 Nov 2003 07:14:07 GMT

I'm not fucking around with this livejournal shit anymore. The ruler is back!

Do you remember...

Tue, 30 Sep 2003 02:47:57 GMT

Do you remember how back in the day there was a commercial for over the counter sleeping pills called Nytol. The jingle for them went, "Nytol will help you get your Z's!" and it was clever because they would just spin the N on the front of the pill over so it made a Z.

They could've just called it Zytol, doncha think?

My Future Bride.

Fri, 14 Feb 2003 02:36:54 GMT

I will post a love letter to Pink in here once a week until she relents and agrees to shack up with me...

...in my parents house.

...or in the back of the minivan.

-amit

Sweet Dreams are made of these...

Sun, 09 Feb 2003 16:43:44 GMT

Last night I had a dream that I peed on Kevin's face and he quit the band. Don't do it kevin, it wasn't on purpose, you just got in the way!

On Urination...

Wed, 05 Feb 2003 20:37:49 GMT

I drink water, lot's of water. I'd go as far as to say that when you drink as much water as I drink you piss constantly. I often have to get up and leave class two times in the course of a lecture to urinate. In fact, when we're standing next to each other at a show bunched up next to each other because it's crowded, i'm thinking of when i'm going to get to pee. It's entirely possible that i'm peeing right now, but you'll never know.

-amit

Mon, 03 Feb 2003 04:07:59 GMT

Let's talk about Domino's pizza. More specifically, let's talk about those little cinnamon runts that they've been dishing out at appetizers. When did this start? I don't know! I just had them for the first time tonight, reheated, and I can only think of what they must taste like when they're fresh... mmmmm...

It's like a cinnamon covered ball of bread, with the consistency of a thick muffin. Note that I don't compare it to a Cinnabon, because it's only lightly sprinkled with goopy Cinnamon and not competely overwhelmed.

Mmmm.

-amit

Wed, 15 Jan 2003 04:46:59 GMT

Ok, so when i got this thing i thought that i would just use it to make up fake entries about myself in order to trick my friends and laugh, "tee hee hee!" at them when they fell for it.

it worked a little too well for my tastes!

i didn't really join a frat!

but maybe i should!

drugs, money, sex!

-amit

Burn Down the Frats? maybe not...

Tue, 17 Sep 2002 03:14:00 GMT

Yeah, so tonight I made an important decision in my college life. I am going to be pledging in the Squam Fraternity at Rutgers University. Now, a lot of my so called friends are giving me shit about this decision, but fuck them. I know a lot of cool kids in that Frat, after having been to a few parties, and trust me, there is nothing at all wrong with them. They don't need any sort of stupid drug parties to get with slutty girls. I mean, come on, slutty girls just give it up to anyone. (i.e. Hopefully me!)

But yeah, honestly, i know a few kids in Frats and they havent changed at all. I won't change either, they are totally cool with me being straightedge, and when pledging the hazing would be different, Like i'd have to shave my frat leader's back or something, and then drink down the hair in orange juice. But if that's what it takes to get brothers, then that's fine by me. If you judge me, then you aren't my friend. Fuck you!

So it begins...

Mon, 09 Sep 2002 02:11:09 GMT

It undoubtably seems that for whatever reason, when I'm in the midst of a school semester I like to have a web journal. These things are stupid. I know it, I say it all the time. They serve essentially no purpose but for people to cause drama by saying things that they have no business saying in public. Regardless, it's September again and time for another go at airing my dirty laundry on the internet. Thank you ryan for the code. Smell ya later...